I live in such strangeness that i often forget exactly how strange it is to "normal" people.
So, after about three hours of sleep the other night, i woke up to the sound of someone banging on my door. I jumped out of bed and couldn't even focus my eyes.. or brain! But somehow, i made it down the stairs to answer. I opened the door and i saw a wild looking Samoan dude with really long hair who was obviously the gas repairman who was scheduled to arrive that day, but i was so out of it that i didn't realize who he was at first.
Anyway, after i figured that out, he came in. I apologized for being out of it and probably looking like a wreck, and he smiled and said "I wish my wife looked so good when she rolled out of bed". I let that one go, and then he said he had to go upstairs into the loft to check on the chimney to make sure it wasn't leaking any gases. Since i had just woken up, i really had to pee so i told him to go up and i would be there in a minute. I went to the bathroom and heard him walk up the stairs and say "WHOA!", and i hurried up to come see what was going on. Because i had gotten out of bed so quickly, i had left the lights off up in the loft, and he walked upstairs to see my mannequin Edith sitting naked in the chair, and thought she was a real woman. Her body is permanently fixed in a position where her legs are slightly open, and one hand is near her crotch, so from a quick distant glance, she looks like she could be masturbating. I bet he thought it was his lucky day.
After that shock was over, he was looking around and he was clumsy like repairmen often are. So he turns around quickly, and an old mannequin hand i have falls down on him and he backs up and knocks over the bucket of bones that i keep for inclusion in various art projects.
I hope you know that i am laughing my ass off as i type this. And i was laughing it off when it happened too.
The poor guy looked so freaked out and he asked me what i was doing with bones. Then he asks "Are they HUMAN bones?!"
Ummmmmmmm, yeah.. right. From the last 5 gas repairmen who arrived at the house.. but never left.
And after all that, the dolt asks me if i am married or if i live alone. Not being fully awake and defensive, i say i live alone, and he perks up and says, "We should hang out sometime". All i could think of was "Yeah, and i bet your wife would love that".
MEN! They can't even control themselves when a girl is in her thermal pj's and her hair is all messy, and a mannequin hand and bucket of bones has just fallen on them.
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