Tonight i saw a strange little French horror flick called "Sheitan". The title sounded deceptively Japanese to me, but hey, what do i know?

Now before you rush out and buy this flick on DVD, well, don't bother, but it is definitely worth one viewing from NetFlix or Blockbuster.

Yes, all the standard cliches that piss me off about American horror movies are in this one. A group of twenty something kids head out for a night of clubbing at the local disco, and end up taking off at closing time to a remote little village because one or two of the guys hope to get some cornpone country pussy from a girl who comes on to them in the club. Rule number one: If you are a dorky guy, and a cute farmer's daughter type in a flippy Paris Hilton skirt starts dirty dancing with you within minutes of your arriving at the club, be very suspicious, and run like hell back to your place in the city and jerk off in the safety of your bed. You will thank me for this advice later.

I don't want to say much more about the rest of the film in case you decide to see it. Let me just say that there are oodles of oddities in this film, including your standard French countryside inbred hicks, oddly grinning farmers and pitbulls who apparently have more lives than a cat, young girls who want sexual contact with complete strangers... and lots of it, unsuspecting canines being sexually molested by these same girls, a pregnant woman [at least i think it was supposed to be a woman] who is also a frustrated doll maker, a hot spring swimming hole in a dark cave, and a goat that looks like it would be Satan's most favorite pet. You see where this is all going, don't you? But trust me, you have never seen it quite like this before.

Yeah, it has more than a few unbelievable moments, but for some reason, the film is more tolerable. Maybe because there are no cheesy one-liners that always ruin American horror films. Maybe because there are a few genuinely funny and creepy scenes in this little sleeper. Maybe because the entire movie is in French [with subtitles], and foreign things have always appealed to me. Maybe because the house these kids end up in is at once beautiful and decaying, and if i had to be molested and brutally murdered, what better location could i think of? Maybe because there is an entire attic that is filled with old, creepy ass dolls and puppets that i fell in love with and want to own.

Either way, if by some chance you are in your local video store and happen to see this flick on display, pick it up and take it home for a night. And don't forget a bag of Pop Secret Extra Butter. And save the bag. If you are particularly wimpy, you may need it for the final scenes.

-X-